I should be excited to go home again and see people I haven't seen in two years, but im not. Im apprehensive. And that's not right.

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side note about fyfeburger: it was invented in 2002 at the a&w/long john silvers/tcby by the culinary champion justin the famed burger flipper fyyyyyyyyfe at only 13000 calories this meat castle could feed an entire country of peasants. standing 10 feet high with bacon beef cheese and chicken piled thick and sweaty.

Conversation overheard at Stinson's Market in Hanover

3 young college students who seem a bit nerdy/hipsterish are chattering away about nothing. I'm looming behind them like a creepy giant in my smelly work clothes. Next to them are two stacks of beer cases, which an older (but still college age) black man is adding stuff to.

At first they seem to know him, but as the conversation unfolded, I'm not entirely sure. I know one thing for sure: when they asked if he wanted to go first since he had been there first, he declined. At that point we all had the same thought.

*He's British!*

Frumpy girl: "Getting ready for a frat party?"

Black British Dude: "No, this is for some friends and me"

FG: "You guys must like to drink!"

BBD: "It's for the weekend...hopefully"

FG: "Did you watch the royal wedding?"

BBD: *laughs* "No, no. I think Americans care about the royal wedding much more than British people."

FG: "Really? I thought it was a big deal for your country."

Me: *stares at the cigar case, literally inches from these people as they talk, trying not to give myself away*

BBD: "Well you really have to be of a certain age to care about the royal family. Most people don't."

Ditsy Tall Girl: "I watched part of it, but he's so ugly!"

BBD: ...

DTG: "And she's so random!"

BBD: "...random? What do you mean?"

FG: "She thinks Kate is random."

DTG: "Because she's I dunno just some girl...like a (in the shittiest British accent) 'commoner'."

BBD: "Well her family certainly isn't what we consider middle class. Her parents are millionaires."

At this point I tuned out as the conversation petered out into them asking him a few icebreaker college questions. He mentioned something about rugby playoffs and shit. Then I bought some grape cigarillos and went on my way. So random!

On the way home from the post office, I decided to take a few backroads and cruise around White River Junction a bit. It's a gloomy day. Should be raining, but it only spits from time to time. Good day for a visit to the cemetary.

I haven't been there since I originally posted on this blog about it. This time I drove through, slowly. Looking around at the centuries-old tombstones and mausoleums. Then something very unexpected happened. I was looking to my left, watching the grave markers pass by. Burroughs, Harmon, then a deer.

Hold on, what the hell?

There was a ragged looking doe, her fur matted down from the damp weather. As I slammed my brakes, she froze up in shock, staring at me from no more than twenty feet away. Then I realized there was a second deer, slightly behind her. We sat there staring at each other, and when I fumbled for my phone to take a picture, they began to run away.

This is all I managed to snap before they bounded between the graves and back into the woods.


As I drove back out of the cemetary and down the steep hill, I saw a guy walking down from the upper hill, looking more or less at the ground, his ear glued to his phone. The urge to roll down my window and shout at him was overwhelming. "Dude! There are deer over there!" But instead I let him be absorbed by whatever inane bullshit he was rambling about to the person on the other end.

The lesson I took from this experience is that I need to look around more often. And to go to the cemetary on gloomy days.

?

This morning, the janitor found a five empty Smirnoff nips in the tampon disposal bin in the ladies restroom. Conspiracy theories abound, as there are countless solutions to this conundrum.

Could it be that one of our customers can't get through the ordeal of shopping at BJ's Wholesale without resorting to a few ounces of Russian Courage?

Do we have a rogue cashier at nights slipping off for bathroom breaks, imbibing the magical "odorless" liquor?

My second favorite theory is that some clever soul on third shift decided to spend his overnight getting boozed up. The fear of being caught runs through them all, due to some unsolved thefts during their shifts. So his vodka-addled brain lands on a solution: a-ha! I will hide them in the ladies' room! There are no ladies on third, so no one will suspect a thing.

Well, mr sneakypants- I SUSPECT. Im on the case, and you can bet i'll be keeping a close eye.

Or not. But its amusing either way.

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Pole

I have so many things to show you. What would you like to see first?

1. The inanity and soap opera drama of a soul-crushing retail job at BJ'S Wholesale

2. The unique brand of drama and excitement of working at a game store- Triple Play Comics and Games

3. Dick pics

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Stay tuned